What happens when a guy that has been a producer and performer his whole life takes some time off? What happens when a person who gets too much of their identity and significance from producing takes a long vacation? What happens when a driven father, business owner and pastor takes a sabbatical? Will it renew them or break them? Will they go crazy because there is nothing to do? Will they settle in and enjoy the rest? Will it reset their life and renew their mind to a healthier way of operating?
Writing, teaching and understanding solid and wise principles of life doesn’t necessarily translate to operating like that. Most have an area or 4 that needs some major work. I confess that I do. I have not arrived. I am pretty fit, but even my physical health is limited by how I let my brain’s automatic thoughts that are unhealthy and toxic, which determines my emotional well-being, influence my physical health. We are, I am, connected. Interconnected. My whole being is influence by my whole being. I have seen myself over the last few years make great strides in renewing my mind, which rewires my brain, which changes my emotions. In fact, I think after over three years of a new job, title, position, influence and call, I have finally made peace with it. It wasn’t easy for numerous reasons. Thankfully, there has been a change. That doesn’t mean that I don’t need a mental makeover, I still do. Honestly, I long for it. I want to be more like Jesus, not just in how I act, but how I think and feel. Then my actions will be much easier. I want to love better and have it flow more naturally. I know that is the real me. The new me. But, years of operating my life in other ways have deep roots that need to be torn out. It feels like that the tractor has been “disking” my field for a while, yet I know there is more. Bring it!
One of the things I want to do is write down my experience. So this is the beginning. I am definitely a verbal processor, so I guess I have learned to process by writing too. God has stirred that in me. Maybe it will just be my children, or half of them who will read this, that’s okay. Maybe it will go viral. What a funny, crazy thought. I am going to learn and grow. My hope is to cathartically write to help myself process what is happening to me and for others to learn if there is something to be attained. I always pray that my kids will learn from my life mistakes, and the corrections God has made with my choice to let him and add my strength, which He provided to me. It’s a partnership. It always has been.