#29 1 Week Left Before Return
Updated: Jul 31, 2019
Okay. It is getting a little boring. I guess that is what the doctor ordered but it is interesting. We stay in our condo until late. We hang out on the beach. We come back to our condo. We watch the sunset. We eat. We watch a show. We go to bed. It is crazy boring. I am not reading as much as I thought. In fact, lack of motivation to do anything pervades. I am trying to convince myself that it is okay. So, I am pretty unplugged here. We did drive to a lookout today. It was gorgeous. Of course. We are in paradise. We ate lunch there and then..., came back, laid on the beach and tried not to get sunburned. Success. I feel like the renewing of my mind is really taking hold. I am excited to have some new thinking. This is not just thinking, it is structures in my brain that I will now process everything through. Specifically the structure that says I am enough for God and I don’t have to prove myself to anybody. I am allowed to fail and not be perfect. I am in process. Jesus died for me when I had nothing to offer Him. He loved me when I was not being a “good boy”. More than that, He knew I would blow it time and time again and still He loved me, died for me and saved me! That is quite a difference from I am not enough and I have to continually prove myself to everyone, in every area, all the time, and especially to myself. I am absolutely relentless in pursuit. That means that there was never any satisfaction to my core except in God’s presence. Things are going to be different. I did something yesterday that I wished I wouldn’t have. It wasn’t a big deal, but I felt no guilt. Absolutely none. It was weird. I usually feel guilt over the smallest thing. All I felt was I don’t want to do that again. I felt no disappointment from God. Just a sense to move forward in the right direction. Some may be thinking, “what did he do?”, but what you need to be thinking is, how do I operate like that. Believe me when I say that the smallest misstep on my part cause such guilt and regret and sometimes self abuse through words, but it is not like that anymore. It is all about renewing the mind that has renewed my brain. It is funny how a belief can be real but not affect the core of you. I think that was my problem. I needed Romans 12:1-2 to complete the work of my belief.