#19 Practicing Peace
This day started with another delay and another flight rebooking. It turns out that getting home isn’t as easy as usual. Is that prophetic? I think it is weather related. This time the delay was a plane problem so we got some vouchers, $400 worth. We are both happy about that. So we won’t be home until later in the afternoon and Cooper will have to drive through traffic, but it does appear we will get home tonight. That will be nice.
I left my wedding ring in Jamaica. So dumb. At least it is a Qalo ring so I’ll replace it easy if I can get the right size. However it was really tough to forgive myself. I was so mad at myself. Those things are inexcusable to me. When I do it. Why do I have to be perfect? Why can’t I ease up on myself? It says something about me. It says I am not enough. Again. So many things are tied to this thinking that has had such a stranglehold on my life. It’s funny when you think deep about things what pops up. So it has really fortified my resolve to renew my mind. I don’t even understand how I can’t leave a ring without going nuts internally or how that kind of thought structure was set up, but it must come down. I feel like I don’t want others to know this about me, but it is too late for that. This is public. I can only hope that this inspires others to look deep inside themselves at the ugly truth about their thinking, behavior and feelings. There is hope for change. I am not staying this way. Full throttle towards change.
Another thought is how important is it for me to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit before saying anything to anybody about their faults or errors. Nobody needs to correct me most of the time. I certainly don’t need anyone to tell me how dumb my already owned mistake is. It has been my practice for decades to beat myself up more than anyone else could. They are just piling on when they tell me my faults and the repercussions of them. It has reinforced my terrible thinking. So I have to be careful not to reinforce anyone else’s terrible thinking and keep them in the prison of their faulty brain structure.
I just watched this dumb movie about a wrestling family and the daughter gets her shot at the WWE RAW. Predictable and dumb for the most part. However I found myself tearing up at the end of it when she got her shot at the big league and then when she predictably won. I was thinking that I need to get a grip for gosh sakes! It’s a movie that Dwayne Johnson produced! It happens to me. I am so touched by overcoming stories. Whether it is real, America’s Makeover or Rocky (just the first few), I love and am moved when people triumph. I love to see mercy. I love when people are blessed. I think that is why I love helping people in health, weight loss, marriage and grow with God. I do love it. I always have. I don’t know why it touches me so deeply, but I will be thinking about that.